A recent NYT article discussed long-term separation of many people who "separate" but never obtain a divorce. They do not get a 'legal separation,' but instead they remain married, but live separate lives, maintain separate households, and may occasionally get together for functions with their children.

The New York Times notes "separations are usually de facto, rarely pounded out in a contract, and family law is different state to state. But even long-estranged couples are irrefutably bound by contractual links on issues like taxes, pensions, Social Security and health care."

And financial reason often figure into these unconventional living arrangements, as the need to keep a spouse's insurance benefits, potential tax advantages and, if a marriage lasts ten years, the ex will eligible for a share of their spouse's Social Security benefits.

The current economy has also played a part; a marriage therapist notes she has seen four cases in the last two years in which couples separated but stayed in the same home. They may not be able to sell the house due to the down market and neither one has enough assets to 'buy' the other one's share. Their mortgage may be 'underwater' and even if they find a buyer, they don't have the cash to pay off the excess cost of their loan.

Problems with Informal Separation

Remaining married on paper, but living separately, and in some cases, many states away, can be a problem because of all the other paper one has accumulated during the marriage. And oddly enough, you must maintain some degree of trust in your spouse.

All of the loans, credit cards, and other financial obligations remain. A divorce is a contract that attempts to legally divide two lives, but even it occasionally runs into problems created by other contracts. Your ex may receive a car in a divorce, but the loan may have been a joint obligation. Your loan provider is not a party to your divorce agreement, and if the spouse driving the car stops making payment, the other spouse is still obligated under the terms of the loan.

This can become a bigger problem where the separation is "off the books." Some couples believe they are saving money by not hiring an attorney, but they lose the advice and counsel an attorney provides, are lack guidance on how to avoid potential problems.

The absence of a formal legal statement of "what is yours and what is mine," means you have no legal recourse if your estranged husband runs up massive credit card debt. Any Lottery winnings will be split. Past due tax obligations on property could arrive unexpectedly.

No "Legal Separation" in New Jersey